The Queequeg Experience
by Oliver diLustro-Halliwell
Summary: Fionaus! One Off! 'Klaus looked up, his eyes puffy and tear-stained, and saw Fiona, in her bra and some pyjama pants (her arms covering her chest), looking down at Klaus quizzically.' R, R and E!


As his eyes adjusted to the light in the barracks, Klaus yawned and slowly woke up. He sighed as he sat up, putting on his glasses. He was thinking about where he was and why. His dank surroundings confirmed that it wasn't a dream; The pipes dripping from over head, the babble coming from a few rooms away, it was clear to Klaus that he was definitely on the _Queequeg_.

Klaus looked around, observing his surroundings: Above him, he could tell by the long flop on Saturn black hair hanging over the edge of the bed, was Violet. Across from him, he could see Fiona, a mycologist friend who they recently aquatinted themselves with. And in the bunk above Fiona, he saw a small lumps of sheet of which he could only presume was Sunny.

He got out of the bed, stood up, and stretched. He yawned again, this time much louder, and paced around the room in only his boxers and shirt. '_What are we doing here?'_, he asked himself several times. '_Why are we here at all? We should be with a guardian! Scratch that: WE SHOULD BE WITH OUR PARENTS!' _He was getting agitated. He was suddenly hot, and his sweat wasn't the only liquid trickling down his face. Klaus was crying.

He sat on the edge of his bed, sobbing into his hands. He kept playing all of his life over and over in his head. The Baudelaire Mansion, Tedia, Lake Lachrymose, Paltryville, and all the other places. And more often, he kept seeing Olaf, his sneering, evil face, and the eye tattoo that resided on his left ankle. Klaus sobbed louder and louder every time he saw Olaf, and when he saw Olaf, he saw red.

"Klaus?"

Klaus looked up, his eyes puffy and tear-stained, and saw Fiona, in her bra and some pyjama pants (her arms covering her chest), looking down at Klaus quizzically.

"Are you okay?" She sat down next to him, making the bed bounce slightly.

"Huh?" Klaus wiped his eyes with his shirt sleeve and sniffed, "Oh yeah, just... You know..."

"...Were crying?" Fiona said, smiling.

"Yeah..." Klaus sighed, looking from Fiona to the ground, "It's been 5 months and if I'd known then that I would end up here in five months time, I would have laughed!" Klaus looked up to Fiona, "Why are our lives so complicated?"

"Well, I don't know, but it always helps to have someone to talk about it to..." She put her hand under his chin and lifted it up, "You can always talk to me. I'm a friend..."

Klaus looked at her, took in some breath, like he was about to talk, and then looked away.

"Well, Fiona, the thing is..." Sniff. "I see you as more than a friend..." He got up as soon as he said this and rested his forehead on the barracks door. _'You fool Klaus! FOOL!' _his head said to him.

"Klaus?" Fiona said, he voice echoing the quizzicallness of when she had said it before, "Klaus?" She said again, this time more demanding as Klaus hadn't acknowledged her before.

"What?" He yelled, turning around. He was crying again, but he was enraged this time, "Want to laugh at me? Do you?"

"KLAUS!" Fiona yelled, making Sunny and Violet stir but not wake up. The pair were silent for a few seconds, as not to awaken the women up more, and then continued in hushed voices.

"Klaus. I... I feel the same way about you..." It was Fiona's turn to turn away. She too was on the verge of tears, but kept them back.

"What?" Klaus was caught off guard. He approached Fiona, and put a hand on her shoulder. She touched it with hers.

"Yes. Ever since I first heard of you, I loved you. A passion for you grew inside me. We're perfect; We love reading, we are great researchers... we both have glasses..." Fiona turned around and placed her hands on Klaus' shoulders and gripped him tightly. Klaus hid a smile.

The was an eerie silence between the mycologist and the bibliobibulus, which eventually was broken by Klaus.

"So..." He said, still staring at Fiona, lovingly, "What now?"

Fiona pulled him in closer, so close they could lick each other's noses if they wanted, and then said "This is what." And then she kissed him.

The kiss was so passionate, so fiery, so raw, that it would have made Gustave Flaubert hot under the collar. Their tongue battled a fierce war in their mouths, and in the end, when the kiss had finished, they were so worn out that it was a minute of so that either one of them spoke. In case you're wondering, it was Fiona who spoke first.

"Now, you're not crying anymore, are you?" She said cheekily, smiling at Klaus.

"No, I most definitely am not." Klaus said, walking over to his bed. But suddenly, Fiona grabbed his shirt collar, and spun him around.

"Don't want to sleep in a tear-soaked bed, do you?" She said, and then pointed a thumb over her shoulder to her bed. "In there,"


End file.
